Posted in Crafts, Life

Learning to be Single

It has been six months since my six-year relationship ended.  I thought by now I would have had this whole being single thing down.  Boy, oh boy, was I wrong! I am constantly experiencing new situations that hit me like a train and remind me of the past.  I have come to realize I relied heavily on the company of my relationship and find it hard to be alone.

I have learned many things in the last six months, but have so much more to learn.  I also have come to realize that I am not alone in this situation.  Whether you are getting out of a six-year relationship or a six month, breakups are difficult and getting used to a world without that companion is a long process.  There are some things that have helped me through my most difficult days.  I would like to share the five actions that have helped me most in hopes that they help others who are also learning to be on their own.

Learn that alone time is ok…

This is perhaps the most difficult part of the process on learning to be single. To me, alone time meant thinking time.  This was when the sadness would take over my mind.  I began to fear being by myself, trying to always be around others.  It was a way to avoid dealing with my feelings…to be distracted from what I felt.  Although I still find being alone difficult, I am slowing learning that it is ok to be alone.  Maybe those thoughts that sink in are ones in which will help you to eventually heal.  Start little when learning to be alone.  Take the time to go for a walk on your own, to eat a meal, or watch a funny movie.  I do understand that loneliness can be hard to bear, so that brings me to the next action…

Focus on perfecting a hobby…

One of the best ways to cope with a life change is to focus on a hobby or activity that brings you joy.  When loneliness creeps up on me, my biggest weapon against it has been to hone in on my favorite activities.  Currently I enjoy painting.  I have done many types of crafts over the years, and this one I have found to be great because I can teach myself skills to improve upon.  Focusing on a hobby will allow you to do this which will then lead to satisfaction in your success.  That will then lead you to feeling proud of your accomplishments!

Make a list of your favorite hobbies or ones that you would like to try.  Then make a point to actually do them.  Schedule a hobby into your daily schedule.  Push yourself to improve on that hobby and work towards a goal.  Believe me, you will thank yourself for doing this!  To take it a step further, start using your hobby to benefit others, whether you bake your neighbor muffins, or make your coworkers jewelry.

Celebrate the little things…

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I’m so lucky to have a best friend who will celebrate the little things with me!

It is always great to have an event to look forward to.  Why do we have to wait for a big holiday or birthday to celebrate?  There are many things worth celebrating throughout our days. I have made a point to start celebrating the little things in life that tend to get overlooked. For example, last night I celebrated the Summer Solstice!  I was lucky to have my best friend and her husband celebrate along with me.  I never knew I could have so much fun celebrating something on a Monday night.  We made flower crowns (yes were 28 years old), took pictures of the full moon, watched fireflies, and lit sparklers.  Something so simple turned out to be a special night.  This is something you can do even on your own.  On National Donut Day, treat yourself to a donut and coffee, on National Watermelon Day, make a point to find the best watermelon at the store or farmer’s market.  Believe me, celebrating the little things will make a world of difference on your outlook on life.

Allow family and friends to be there for you…

You don’t always have to be ok.  There are going to be days when you feel bad, when the memories bring tears to your eyes.  It is ok to lean on others for support.  I have hesitated to do this.  I often find myself feeling as though I’m a burden to others if I allow myself to feel lonely or sad.  But now I am starting to realize that it is ok to surround yourself with love.  Your family and friends are there for a reason, and I know that if the tables were turned I would want my family or friends to lean on me for support.  You don’t have to tell them you’re “fine,” you don’t have to smile all the time and pretend everything is as it should be. Allow yourself to feel and allow others to feel for you.

Know that it takes time…

And this is the most important action to take.  Understand that you are not going to be better overnight.  It is ok to hurt.  Healing is a process and it is one that will make you a much better person.

Author:

Hi there! I am a preschool teacher, baker, crafter, book lover, and nature lover! I look at the positive aspects of life and fully believe that when life gives you lemons, then it's time to make lemonade!

3 thoughts on “Learning to be Single

  1. Being single has its advantages. I like that you pointed out that celebrating the little things and alone time can be a good thing. Being single allows you to reflect and discover what you really want out of life and allows you the opportunity to pursue those goals.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! It has definitely been a learning experience for me and made me realize the things I love that I had previously pushed aside! It has also helped me to straighten out my priorities!

      Like

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